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Energetic voice, wherein the topics direct actions rather than let the actions “occur to” them – “he scored a ninety seven%” as a substitute of “he was given a ninety seven%” – is a much more highly effective and attention-grabbing technique to write. At the identical time, until it is a personal narrative, avoid private pronouns like I, My, or Me. Try as an alternative to be extra basic and you should have your reader hooked.
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In the first sentence of the second paragraph (first paragraph of the body) the words “sense” and “manipulation” are used to hook into the top of the introductory paragraph. The first a part of the second sentence supplies the subject for this paragraph-imagery in a static scene. Then a citation from “The Tell-Tale Heart” is offered and briefly mentioned. The final sentence of this paragraph makes use of the expressions “sense of feeling” and “sense of sight” as hooks for leading into the third paragraph.